We Have Moved

Compiled by, Darlene G. Snyder


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Parsonage Ponderings

Compiled by, Darlene G. Snyder

by Connie Coppings
Paintsville, KY.

Whether we want to admit it or not, anger plays a role in Christians' lives. In ministry we often have to help people find ways to cope with their anger in constructive ways. And, there are those times when those in ministry must come face to face with their own anger issues. Both are challenging and can take a toll on a ministerial family.
Helping people within a congregation deal with their anger toward each other calls for the ability to remain neutral so that you can help both parties. The minister, or spouse, is sometimes caught in the middle as both parties try to make the other person out to be the one at fault. We have found it helpful to inform those involved that we won't listen to a discussion of the other person, but only to what the one in front of us feels they've contributed to the problem.
It is our goal to teach people to accept responsibility for their shortcomings and find ways to grow from them. It is human nature to want to blame others, so it takes a lot of patience and prayer to help people reach this point.
Do not hesitate to refer to a counselor or more experienced pastor a situation that you feel unable to handle. Not everyone in ministry is equipped to handle every type of situation and trying to do so can cause further problems.
While helping others handle their anger can be hard, it can be especially hard for a minister or spouse to confront their own anger. Who can they talk to safely? What effects can it have on a marriage or your ministry?
It is very hard for ministerial persons to find a safe place to express their negative feelings. As much as you like some people in the church, it can be dangerous to share those type of feelings. Not all people will "spread" your confidences, but you may find it safer to seek help in other ways. If you have a conference office, ask what is available. Many times there is financial help available and visits to a counselor can be arranged to protect your privacy.
As much as our lives are centered around "Christian" activities, anger is not uncommon in our lives. We work in settings where we often see people make very wrong decisions, hurting themselves and those around them. Our emotions get involved and we may find ourselves experiencing un-Christlike anger.
A big step in the right direction is to admit the anger exists and then seek those who can help us find our way through it. We try to never let these intense feelings of anger show in our relations with others. When possible, we work it through with the person to whom the anger is directed, but if we feel we can't, then outside help is sought.
Holding anger in can lead to many physical problems. My doctor recently told me that his most unhealthy patients are pastors' wives. Scary, huh!!
It is only through God's love and mercy that we can deal with anger in healthy ways. What ignites your anger? Can you admit your struggle with it and allow others to help you?

Father, forgive us when we harbor ill feelings and allow it to interfere with our service to others. Protect our hearts and minds so that we may be more like Christ.

Parsonage Ponderings

Compiled by, Darlene G. Snyder

by Connie Coppings
Paintsville,KY

Before we were married, and many times since, my husband and I have talked about "marriage in ministry." Because of the demands made on a pastor 's time, it can place stress on a marriage. If you haven't dealt with this topic before marriage, you may find yourselves unprepared as the busy schedule of ministry sweeps you along.
I must admit that at first I was somewhat offended when "our" plans had to be changed (sometimes at the last minute) due to the need of a parishioner. While it can be hard on adults, it can also be difficult when kids are involved. They aren't always able to understand why a trip or a party gets cancelled and their parent suddenly has to go take care of someone else. It is important to begin early helping them see that things like this may sometimes happen so they will be better prepared for those times.
"But what about those times when someone calls the pastor for a matter that isn't extremely important, but yet expects them to appear on command?" you might ask. Yes, that can sometimes be a ticklish situation. In our household, I trust my husband to determine if this is a matter which he feels necessitates changing our plans.
I know that he values our marriage as much as I do, and when he tells me he needs to go, I know it's because of his pastor's heart. Sharing my husband with so many other people isn't always easy, but I know that is part of ministry. Does he always go?
No! My husband has made me feel very special when I hear him say, "Why don't you call the office in the morning and we'll take care of this. I have a date with my wife tonight." Most people are very respectful of our time together. We have done other things in our marriage to make sure that we protect our relationship.
Here are some suggestions for those of you new to ministry that will help keep your marriage and family ties strong:
1. When you accept a church assignment, let your congregation know your days off and ask that they call you after office hours only if necessary. (just be prepared that other's concept of "necessary" may not be the same as yours)
2. Have specific office hours so that there is plenty of time for people to make contact during the day. Post it in the bulletin and on the door of pastor's office.
3. During day off, or vacation, assign someone from the church as the contact person in case of emergency and have their number listed in the bulletin. If something requires the pastor's return, instruct the designated person to call you.
4. Sit down at home and talk about weekly schedules and make sure to pencil in specific time away from work. Make it a priority!! You will need that time of refreshing.
5. My husband and I have an agreement that if he's called out on a matter concerning another female, I will either go with him or he will make sure that someone else is present.
6. Don't isolate yourselves. Have friends who listen without judgement (and without sharing it with others), who remind you to laugh, and who will encourage you .
7. Open communication can go a long way in keeping your marriage healthy. Plan times when you can have private conversations without interruptions.
Above all, keep God as the head of your marriage. Allow Him to guide you in keeping a hedge of protection around yourselves.

Father, we thank You for the high privilege of answering Your call to ministry. Protect our marriages in the many situations that we face daily. Amen.

Parsonage Ponderings

Compiled by, Darlene G. Snyder

by Connie Coppings
Paintsville, KY

We've had some dark stormy days lately and I've longed to find a book to read that would encourage my heart. I wasn't in the mood for fiction or something deeply theological, just something that would speak to my inner being.

As a writer, I love to read all kinds of books, but every now and then I think a little selfishly and want something "just for me." I have found there aren't a lot of books written that specifically speak to the role of a pastor's spouse. Believe me, I've looked in many bookstores. When I ask the owner if they have anything on that subject, I usually get, "No, really don't see much on that topic."

I've done some searching on the Internet and found some titles that I'll share with you all in hopes that one of them may speak to your need. It would be nice to have a way of interacting with other pastors' wives so that we could share information and encourage each other.

Some book titles I've found:
Married to A Pastor: How to Stay Happily Married in the Ministry by H. B. London and Neil Wiseman
So You're the Pastor's Wife by Ruth Senter
Being a Minister's Wife and Being Yourself by Nancy Pannell
Devotions for Ministry Wives: Encouragement for Those Who've Been There by Barbara Hughes
High Call, High Privilege by Gail MacDonald
I'm More Than A Pastor's Wife by Lorna Dobson
Moving On After Moving In by Susan Miller

And some Internet sites for pastors' spouses:
www.sarahstent.com
www.justbetweenus.org (magazine for pastors' spouses)
www.pastors.com (by Karen Warren from Saddleback Church)
www.parsonage.org (Focus on the Family)

Of course, our best resource is Jesus Christ and His Word. Because of our busy schedule, I'm often tempted to neglect my time with God and hurry to get all my things completed. Sometimes I come to the end of a day and think I've accomplished a lot, but then I remember I never got around to my devotions. Somehow all that work I did doesn't seem as satisfying when I realize that I put that before Him.

I pray that something I shared this day will be an encouragement to you. Would love to hear what resources you've found that have been of benefit to you. Wouldn't it be great if we could sit down over a cup of tea and share our hearts!

May your heavy hearts find refreshment and may you be encouraged that all you do is not in vain my fellow servants.

Parsonage Ponderings

Compiled by, Darlene G. Snyder

by Connie Coppings

We live in a world of change. People want to change their weight, clothing styles, body features---and they go to great lengths by going on crash diets, spending money they don't have, or putting their bodies through dangerous cosmetic surgeries. All this to achieve a desired "perfect" image.
As role models in ministry we can get caught up in thinking we have to "be" and "look" perfect. Our lives are in a constant fishbowl and sometimes we succumb to the standards set by humans and lose sight of what God wants for us. Flawless beauty is an elusive dream as our bodies are always changing and have imperfections. The pursuit of perfection leaves our emotions in a constant state of frustration. Frustrated people have a hard time looking beautiful.
When I first became a pastor's wife, I got caught up in the world's way of thinking of beauty. However, over the years I've learned to respect and love the person God has created me to be. Perhaps I'll never make it onto a magazine cover, but I'm a whole lot more fun to be around when i let go of the world's image of beauty. I asked God what would make me beautiful to Him and this is what I've learned.
When God is allowed full access to my life, His presence evokes a gentle and quiet spirit which emits a beauty that cannot be humanly created. It isn't destroyed by age or other earthly influences. People may admire physical beauty, but they are drawn to those who posses an inner beauty. I love the chorus which says, "Let the beauty of Jesus be seen in me."
There's nothing wrong in making changes to our outward appearance, but we also need to nurture our inner self. I've enjoyed the little books titled, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff," and I believe that to be a truth of inner beauty. When I get overly concerned about an outfit, or deny myself quiet time in order to do something that makes me look good---I am not being true to who God has called me to be. He isn't worried about my clothing or how much I accomplish, but I believe my Lord desires that I do and say things that will bring others into a closer relationship with Him.
Another "beauty secret" is remembering to laugh each day. (learn this lesson early in your ministry) Proverbs says, "A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance." Helping others carry their burdens can be draining on your mental and physical well-being. Find ways to bring humor into your daily routine, such as movies, books, or friends who can help you lighten up.
My husband and I are animal lovers and we can attest to the fact that they can bring many hours of joy into a home. Our dog, Eli, seems to know when we need to loosen up. We can be talking very seriously and he runs into the room, snaps his green tennis ball across the floor, and looks as if to say, "OK, now for some fun!"
As representatives of God on this earth, we need to be good stewards of the body and mind we're given so that we may show others how they too can discover their own inner beauty. What a beautiful world this would be!

Father, may Your sweet, sweet Spirit dwell within us so that we may be a sweet fragrance in the lives of those we serve.

Parsonage Ponderings

Compiled by, Darlene G. Snyder


by Connie Coppings
Paintsville,Ky.

When does a pastor and their spouse experience Sabbath? Yes, we're in church every Sunday, but teaching, preaching, assisting with music, attending meetings and ministering to people in need often leave little time to experience restorative worship. Having just come back from a short vacation, I've thought about that several times. We've realized over the past 22 years that it is hard to give out to others when you feel depleted yourself.
I talk to other spouses in ministry and hear phrases such as, "I just can't keep a happy face on 24 hours a day." "My heart is so broken with all the sad things we hear about." "We're thinking about getting out of the ministry." "Does anyone care about our needs?"
Although ministry brings with it many joys, it can take a toll on one's life if you do not do things to feed and nourish your spirit. My husband and I love being in ministry, but we know that we cannot be all things to all people. We worry, get angry, have doubts, feel disappointed, but are sometimes met with such statements as, "I can't believe you think (feel) that way." "I guess I figured you all were so close to God that these things wouldn't happen to you." Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!
I can honestly say that there have been times when I wanted to walk away from people---and the church. Anyone who goes into ministry should not feel surprised---or guilty---for having those feelings. It comes with the job. So, it is vitally important to find ways to replenish your bodies and spirits.
Our Methodist conference offers free opportunities for pastors' families to take a break from the routine and "come apart" for some rest. There is also a Barnabas ministry that has seminars for those in ministry (you can look them up online). Some churches actively encourage their minister and family to take the time away as they realize the benefits not only for the pastor's family, but also for the church.
Even Jesus recognized the need for respites from ministering and often went to the lake or the mountains to do just that. Why should we think that we should do any less.
My husband and I sometimes just go where there are no phones, or where no one knows us. Just being out in nature quiets our hearts and minds, refreshing us to return to the work we love.
If you aren't presently taking "Sabbaths," then I encourage you to do so. What are creative ways you find to recharge your batteries so that you can serve God better?

DESIRE TO BE A TRUE FOLLOWER

Compiled by, Darlene G. Snyder

Diane Braden
O Fallon, MO 63366

I have been married to my husband Joseph for 26 years and we serve at the First Baptist Church of St. Peters, Missouri just outside of St. Louis. Our churches average attendance is around 230 – 250. We have enjoyed serving in ministry together for the past 20 years. We have three boys. Our oldest son Andrew (22) is married. He and his wife, Casey are currently at the Southern Baptist Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky. Our middle son Thomas (19) is out at the Masters College in Santa Clarita, California and our youngest son Grant (15) is in 10th grade being home schooled.
When my husband advises our sons in looking for a godly wife, he suggests that they find a girl who loves the Lord and loves His Church. My advice for women starting out in ministry would be first to make your desire to be a true follower of Jesus Christ, to know Him and to love His Church by consistently attending times of worship, teaching, fellowship and service. Make it your intention to be there on Sunday mornings, Sunday nights, weekday services – each time there is worship/teaching taking place. In this way, as your husband is growing in his studies and learning ministry, you too will grow and learn along with him and those the Lord puts under his teaching. You set the example by attending and coming with an open heart and mind to learn. I believe you will also find that to be the best way to get to know the congregation you serve. In this, you will be is a great support to your husband in his role as pastor, and will build lasting friendships too. My husband has pastored in just two churches. We were in our first church in Sedalia, Missouri for nine years and have been at our current ministry for the past eleven. In going back to our first church, we still have a strong cord of friendship with the believers there. I am ever grateful for them and for how they allowed me to grow and learn much along with my husband, about ministering in those early years.

PARSONAGE PONDERINGS

Compiled by, Darlene G. Snyder

by Connie Coppings
Paintsville, Ky.

I guess you could say the theme of our 22 1/2 years in the pastorate would be "Together in Ministry." From our early days as a parsonage couple we've made it a point for people in the church and community to see us as a team. Now this doesn't mean that I constantly follow my husband to every meeting, or that I'm a part of every conversation he has, but it does mean there are many things we do to show we're united in our ministry and our marriage.
At the end of every service on Sunday morning, we join hands after he pronounces the benediction and walk to the door to greet people together. It is good for the congregation to see us working together. Visitors to our churches often comment on this and say they're never seen that done before. My husband also says it serves a second purpose, he can't keep up with all the things people tell him as they're leaving, so he depends on me to "record and file" all this and tell him later when we get home.
Like most pastors, my husband has to write articles for newsletters and bulletin inserts. He closes each one with "Together in Ministry" and signs our names. Although I do freelance writing, I do not compose these for him, but he has me read them and give feedback. It is a small way I can support him in his work.
Beyond Sunday services, my husband is invited to speak at other functions. I don't have to attend everything and my husband has never asked me to do so. I go to support and encourage him, and I've received so many blessings on those occasions when I've done so instead of sitting at home. I know this is harder for some spouses to do when there are small children or other obligations. However, I encourage you to "be present" whenever possible.
We both feel it is important for others to see good marriages in action. Recently someone asked us to teach a marriage class and we asked them, "Why us?" They commented that so many people had noticed our relationship and they wanted to know how we had accomplished that. We were honored to be asked and a great time teaching the two six-week sessions to engaged and married couples.
Even when we retire someday, it is our hope to continue to serve as a team for as long as we can in whatever way God sees fit to use us.

May God bless you and your spouse as you serve together in ministry. May others see His love and grace in all you do and be drawn to a closer walk with Him.

Five Minutes Worth of Advice

Compiled by, Darlene G. Snyder

Sharon Beougher
Southern Baptist Theological Seminary
Louisville, KY

My husband and I just celebrated our 25th anniversary. It has been my honor to serve with him in the ministry for all those years. We are the parents of four wonderful children. One of my life verses: “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind can conceive what the Lord has prepared for those who love Him.” (Cor. 2:9

If I had five minutes of advice to offer others, this is what it would be:

First of all, God has made you unique! (Psalm 139:13-14) You are not supposed to be like the pastor’s wife down the street, like your friend in another town, or like the previous pastor’s wife of the church where you are. Comparing ourselves to others can stifle the gifts, personalities, and jobs the Lord has for you in the church He has intentionally placed you. Identify your own personality, gifts, passions, and abilities; then be confident of the purpose He has for you. Remember that God called you and you only to be your husband’s helpmeet and He knew what He was doing! If He has called your husband into ministry, He has called you and he will equip you for the good work that He has called you to do. Don’t depend on any human talents or abilities, but allow God to work through your distinct person.

Secondly, be your husband’s greatest cheerleader. As Linda Dillow says in Creative Counterpart, you should “be his greatest fan.” You can encourage him in a way that no one else can. He is looking to you for your respect, admiration, and positive feedback (as well as constructive criticism at the proper time – not Sunday right after church or late Saturday night!) Remember that there will be seasons in your husband’s life when, even though he is trying to put God and family first in his priorities, his ministry will take him away from you. These may include special occasions (funerals and weddings), revivals, speaking engagements, crisis situations, writing deadlines, etc. We can say “My husband (or ‘Daddy’) is gone again,” or we can say “God is using Daddy right now in some special ways and we need to pray for him.”

Thirdly, set parameters where your home can be a place of refuge. Screen phone calls. Do what you can to protect his schedule as much as possible. Don’t over-commit yourself so that you don’t have to be stressed out with all you have to do. Learn to say ‘no’ to good things and save your ‘yes’ for the best things. Be careful not to make your church family a priority over your own family. Your first responsibility is to him and your children.

Fourth, you can “please some of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.” Even though it may be in your nature to want to be a people-pleaser, it is not going to happen! I am saying that as a person who struggles with being a people-pleaser. I thought I had to say ‘yes’ all the time to please people if they thought I should do something in the church; plus that carried over to me wanting my husband to please everyone in the church. That is definitely not healthy or wise. So – just accept that fact, smile, be sweet, and stay on your knees a lot – and learn to say “no.”

Fifth, pray for wisdom in your speech. Proverbs 31:26 says: “She opens her mouth in wisdom…” Be careful of your speech and what you share with others—especially about your husband or children. I think everyone needs some perspective on a certain situation from a trusted friend, but go to God first, and then perhaps think of a friend or even a counselor who would not be connected to the church. “…and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” Use your conversation to encourage and uplift others, not to criticize or gossip. And don’t forget to constantly build up your husband—not just others-- in your speech, both publicly and privately!

Sixth, remember that you can “know” your husband in ways that no one else can. Thank God for that privilege and enjoy seeking to meet those intimate needs. He is in the ministry, but he is a man – rejoice in the sexual side of him. Get a Christian book on this subject if you need some new ideas. Surprise him and sometimes try to step outside of your comfort zone to do something to please him.

Seventh, strive to show him respect every day through words, attitudes, and actions. A man needs respect perhaps even more than love. Even if you feel like you don’t respect a decision he has made, a mood he was in at home, or …..(you fill in the blank) Ephesians 5 commands wives to respect their husbands. Figure out what communicates this best to your husband and even when you don’t “feel” like voicing it or showing it, you choose to be holy and obey God rather than react with your emotions.

As my five minutes is over, enjoy the privilege God has given you to be married to your husband. Marriage and ministry are both journeys where you can laugh together, cry together, serve together, and seek to be a team who truly desires to “proclaim [Him], admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom so that we [you] may present everyone perfect in Christ.” (Col. 1:28) Enjoy the ride!

PARSONAGE PONDERINGS

Compiled by, Darlene G. Snyder

By Connie Coppings
Paintsville,Ky


There are parts of ministry that are complex, and sometimes somber. I feel it is important to talk about those times, for it seems we can get overwhelmed by the chaos and tragedies we deal with in the lives of our congregations.
As partners in ministry, my husband and I have committed to be there for those we serve. However, we also knowwe need to lighten up every now and then so that our bodies and minds will be better able do those difficult things. We do a lot of laughing around our house so I thought I'd share something on this blog that might bring a moment of laughter for you.
If you're in ministry, you have no doubt attended a potluck meal ( or 2, or 5, or hundreds) at some point in your ministry. My husband and I often laugh at how our clothes seem to "shrink" after these dinners and we always vow that we're going to get motivated to do better next time. After a recent potluck---and a failed attempt on my part to be disciplined---I sat down at my computer and wrote the following piece. It's a humorous look at how easily we lose our motivation when faced with "temp-taste-tions" such as Margaret's Death by Chocolate Cake, Mrs. B's Crunchy, Crispy Batter Fried Chicken, Opal's Cheesey Baked Corn Pudding, Evelyn's Layered Brown Sugar Apple Pie (with pecans). Need I say more!! Hope you enjoy the article.

MOTIVATION GOES COLD AT THE FRIG DOOR

I paused in my bedroom closet the other day, gazing at my "smaller sized" summer wardrobe. Cotton blouses of rose, lavendar, and yellow, an ocean blue pants suit, and slacks neatly hanging there waiting for me to lose "just five more pounds." My mind wandered to the dates of our upcoming vacation to see my husband's family and a nephew's wedding a few weeks later. Just a few pounds less, take off a few inches here and there. . . .
Suddenly a spine tingling feeling swept over me. What was this episode of visions and emotions? I stood frozen---lost in the moment.
A clear vision of fresh, crispy garden salads, stir fry veggies, lean meats, low-fat desserts---all in correct portions, of course---and a regular exercise plan came into view. Yes, the image of a slimmer me materialized before my eyes. I could see myself walking into a room wearing one of those smaller-sized outfits causing others to gasp in wonder at who this beauty was before them. Envious onlookers would offer such questions as, "What's your secret?" or, "How'd you do it?"
My smaller figure would no doubt be a boost to my self- confidence. I would have all the energy I needed to accomplish everything in my busy pastor's wife's schedule. I was headed for victory this time: I could just sense it.
Absolutely nothing was going to stand in my way. Spurred on by this motivational momemt, I proceeded down the hall to clear my kitchen of any unnecessary calories. On the way I passed the bathroom door, catching a glimpse of the scales I'd bought a year ago to monitor my weight loss. I stepped on them. The numbers began spinning past me at a rapid climb and quickly passed the number I "knew " I weighed. I made a mental note to have my husband adjust them so they'd weigh more accurately.
Finally arriving at the kitchen, I threw open the refrigerator door. Wait---another feeling began to wash over me. My new found motivation was being ambushed by the tantalizing scene before me. Macaroni and cheese casserole, the roast beef leftover from the potluck at church, Praline Pecan Ice Cream, and brownies---all beckoned me.
They seemed to say, "Surely you wouldn't throw us out. Remember all the stress you felt the other day and how we helped you through it."
Oh dear, maybe I shouldn't throw it out. After all, there are all those starving people in other countries. I'll just sit down and have a brownie while I think about all this motivational stuff.
Where, oh where did my motivation go? If you happen to see it, just hold onto it until I finish my brownie. You know, some of that Praline Pecan Ice Cream would go good with it too.

May God empower each of you with the disciple to take care of your body in such a way as to honor the Lord. May you sense His presence with you in the good and bad times of your ministry.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU GO TO BED WITH A SMALL BUSINESS OWNER AND WAKE UP WITH A PREACHER

Compiled By: Darlene G. Snyder



Char-La Fowler
Mt. Pleasant, SC


I didn’t marry a preacher. I never walked forward at the invitation to share that God had called me to be a minister’s wife. I never pined after the cute, single youth pastor or led small group Bible studies for pre-teens when I was in college. I never even signed a True-Love-Waits card. No, on the day I stood at the altar, I was a young, ambitious attorney marrying a handsome guy with both a business degree from a prestigious university and a job running his family’s 100 year-old furniture store. I could see my future with clarity. After all, my husband Calvin was wildly successful at what he did, absolutely loved going to work every day, and there was no chance he was ever going to be transferred. My annual reviews at my law firm were good and always accompanied by a raise. Both sets of our parents, most of our siblings and even some grandparents lived nearby. Yes, I had stability, predictability and shop-ability.
All that changed on June 9, 2001. We were on vacation and at the end of one fun-filled day I innocently went to sleep next to my small business-owner husband and quite literally woke up next to a preacher. During the night, God awakened Calvin and called him to full-time vocational ministry. His call was so unambiguousness, it left no wiggle room; obedience to it or run like Jonah and hope for a better outcome. I say with a certain degree of pride that my husband willingly and worshipfully laid down the professional dream he was living and completely side-stepped the whale’s belly. That next morning, as Calvin shared this with me, God washed me with His grace and I too willingly bent the knee, arising with excitement and optimism.
Now the Devil likes to start conversations with you. Just ask Eve. He craftily waited until we arrived at seminary before starting his full-court press on me: “You’re no pastor’s wife. Look around you. Most of these women have prepared their whole lives for this. Listen at how much they know. You’re going to fail and take the man you love with you.” Characteristically, there was a kernel of truth wrapped deep inside the lie that made it more believable. I had never heard of John Piper. I thought Wayne Grudem played offensive tackle for the Dallas Cowboys and for the life of me I could not figure out why everyone kept running around talking about a girl from Florida I had met at cheerleading camp named Paige Patterson.
So, what’s a girl to do? What is the next step for those of us who wake up next to a preacher? It doesn’t really matter if you came to it later like me or if you headed into it eyes wide open. The solution is the same. We must choose daily to remember the glorious certainty of the Trinity and how it is inextricably linked to effective Kingdom ministry. Its truth can drown out the most oppressive doubts and its symphony can overpower the strongest cacophony of deceit. Keep in mind:

It’s all about the sovereignty of the Father.

Isn’t it wonderful that on Calvin’s wedding day, God was not surprised to find that I was the one who showed up in the white veil? Rather, with all purpose, intent and wisdom, He had tenderly placed me there. When He was busy setting aside Calvin for the Gospel ministry, He determined I would be His greatest helper in that venture. This wisdom mystifies us because we know that apart from Christ in us, we bring nothing of our own to the table. Hands empty. So, why did it please God to call me to be pastor’s wife? Because it pleased God to call me to be a pastor’s wife. It is of His own design out of His own pleasure for His own glory. And, just like every pastor’s wife before me and since, none of my life’s experiences would be wasted in this new endeavor. Instead, in some baffling way, all of those events that formed and influenced and shaped me when I happened to be married to that business guy would be exactly what my husband and his ministry would need. Now, mind you, there is still the occasional day when the gentle, quiet spirit has to subdue the counselor itching to cross-examine some mean-spirited congregant, but that’s where the Holy Spirit steps in.

It’s all about the power of the Spirit.

I can remember sitting in my law office in 1995, reading my Bible while eating lunch at my desk, and the Spirit of God directing me to memorize 2 Corinthians 12:9 . I had been familiar with these verses since the days of hearing “Present Swords” while doing Bible Drill on lazy Sunday afternoons in the fifth grade: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly, therefore, will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ will rest upon me.” It was helpful then. It is a bedrock now. The Apostle Paul speaks across the centuries, directly into the life of the modern-day preacher’s wife. When I am feeling inadequate, overwhelmed, and deficient, I am reminded that I can’t do this job. I’m not smart enough. I’m not organized enough. And, Heaven knows, I’m not patient enough. But, thanks be to God, He is. In ministry and in life, dependence equals freedom and weakness equals strength. It’s only when this self-sufficient woman begins to think “I’ve got this thing under control,” that my effectiveness takes a nose dive. But, to the contrary, when we are walking in the power of the Spirit, the world sees the splendor of Jesus.

It’s all about the glory of the Son.

To the desperate church wife, this truth is perhaps the most comforting of all. What relief freely flows the day we realize it’s not about me and whether I measure up to an artificial standard of success or a provincial stereotype. We have to resist the chronic urge to make it about perceptions of us, or our husbands or even our ministry. We are to be about the business of Christ’s glory, eyes focused intently on Calvary’s conquest. As the now-familiar John Piper says, “God without Christ is no God. If we would see and savor the glory of God, we must see and savor Christ.” Of course, our good and His glory are not mutually exclusive. When we make it about Him, everything else falls in place. We are the true beneficiaries of this equation: that which glorifies Him, profits us. Therefore, as great as the temptation is to be consumed with our performance in ministry and our reputation among the brethren, we cannot forget that our audience actually consists of just One. And His investment in us is explicitly tied to the exaltation of Jesus.
So, here we find ourselves, waking up everyday next to a preacher. What’s a girl to do? She’s to rest in the knowledge that she is cupped firmly in the hands of the triune God, the source of not only the assignment, but also the means and the reason to fulfill it. May it be to the praise of His glory?


APoem for the Pastor's Wife

Blog Tour for Devotions to Go

By: Darlene G. Snyder

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As part of a blog tour for publisher Jeanann Duckworth and her Devotions to Go books, here's a review of Pastors’ Wives Devotions to Go that I thought readers would appreciate. If you have an opportunity to read this book, I'd be interested in what you think.


Pastors' Wives Devotions to Go


Beverly Henry's book is a look at the role of the pastor's wife and is filled with encouragement for women in ministry.

Henry includes many humorous antidotes, such as an expectant pastor's wife with toilet paper stuck to her shoe and a pastor's wife who opens the door to yell to her family that she is "taking her clothes off now," to find unexpected guests confused at her declaration. She takes opportunity to teach life lessons from the antidotes. Lessons such as," Your position as a pastor’s wife gives you power in the eyes of others, whether you feel it or not. How you act and react to life situations either opens or closes doors to
the people who enter your life," came after a story about two women of different personalities became friends as a result of a kitchen accident. The reaction of one of the women changed the other woman for a lifetime.

One of the things I enjoyed about this book is how it touches on the various aspects of a pastor's wife role. Her use of humor allows readers to smile and relate to each incident mentioned. Henry does a good job including subject matter such as, difficulty of leaving a church to go minister in another place, dealing with embarrassing situations and how pastors' wives can make a difference in the lives of women in the church. Henry also includes a daily Bible verse that goes along with her subject.

JeanAnn Duckworth, CEO of Extreme Diva Media, publishes a series of Devotion To Go books with titles such as, Fearless Moms Devotions to Go, Moms over 50 Devotions to Go and Frazzled Moms Devotions to Go, just to name a few. With the rushed lives that most of us lead, these purse size books are perfect to have on hand while waiting in a doctor's office, while stuck in traffic, on planes and even resting at the beach.

If you are interested in investigating this series of books, you can go to the Extreme Diva Web site here. The books cost $8.95 each with standard shipping cost of $2.00. If you order Devotions to Go 6 Months Subscription in June, you'll receive a free copy of Christmas Devotions to Go in December. This allows you to purchase 7 books at the price of 5. Now, that is the kind of deal I like.

PARSONAGE PONDERINGS

Compiled by, Darlene G. Snyder

By Connie Coppings
Paintsville UMC
Paintsville,Ky.

"I don't want to be a pastor's wife, I'll never have friends." This is a comment I often hear from those going into ministry. It is a tough issue and one that needs much thought and prayer.
"Who can I be friends with in the church?" "Will I be seen as playing favorites if I spend more time with one person than another?" "Will I have to guard every word or live in fear that it will be spread through the congregation in minutes?" These are some of the questions I grappled with when I became a pastor's wife and I suspect I'm not alone in these thoughts.
Pastors' wives are like anyone else, they need a place to share their struggles in confidence. I am blessed with a wonderful husband, but am often hesitant to put more on him as he has so many other things on his mind. When he enters our home after a day of office work, hospital and home visits, along with the "crises" that arise daily, I try to have our home be a sanctuary for him. This is one of the ways I try to minister to him so that he can go out and do what he does everyday.
While he is the first person i would go to if there was something important on my heart, I know it is necessary for me to have other listening ears. One of the ways I've done this is by establishing relationships in the community or through my work. I always urge other pastors' wives to get involved in the town where they live by volunteering or being on committees. If you work outside the home, develop friendships there. For those who work from home, develop a network with other moms or women who have similar interests as yourself.
Whatever you do----don't try to go it alone. Having been in ministry for over 22 years, I can tell you that there are times where you will need an outlet beyond your spouse. Some places we've lived I've been blessed with other women who have have come along side me to listen and pray. There are other places we've lived where I didn't have that, but kept in touch with other women friends via the phone or computer.
Is this an issue that is important to you? How do you deal with it?
May God bless each of you with women who wil step out to be your spiritual support and a place where you can freely share your heart.

PARSONAGE PONDERINGS

Compiled by, Connie Coppings

Saturday, June 6, 2009

When I became a wife 22 1/2 years ago, I also entered the role of parsonage spouse in that same moment. Often I'm asked how I feel about being a pastor's wife and my reply is usually, "It's a job filled with many joys, and sorrows, but I wouldn't trade my life with anyone else."
Take today for instance, I've had the privilege of witnessing two young people joined in marriage, listened to lady dealing with the loss of her husband of 61 years, helped plan for our church's upcoming 100th anniversary, and fixed food to share at a women's mission meeting tomorrow after church. As a pastor's wife, I've been blessed with so many opportunities to be a part of others' lives.
Being in this role doesn't make me anymore special than anyone else, but it does allow me to meet and get to know people that I otherwise wouldn't have known. God has blessed me so richly through the witness of His work in the lives of those I've encountered in our ministry. I know that I'm a better person today because of this experience.
I look forward to sharing with others in ministry through this blog each week. It is my hope that He will use my "ponderings" to encourage and inspire those who follow this site.
May God take the work and words of each of you and use them to bless others as you serve faithfully along side your spouse.

It's About Teamwork

Compiled by, Darlene G. Snyder

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Written by:
Cindy Canoy
Shelby, NC

My experience as a pastor's wife ranges across 27 years. I've always felt as a pastor and wife, we are a team. I try to be by my husband’s side as much as possible during all aspects of his ministry. This practice enables me to get to know church members more quickly.

One piece of advice I would give is stand with the pastor at the close of worship services to greet the congregation. This lets the church know that you are united in your efforts to be a pastor/wife team at the church and helps the wife to get to know the congregation.

The pastor's wife should focus on what her gifts are and only accept responsibility for leadership roles that truly are her gifts. She must keep in mind she will need to attend many functions as the pastor's wife so she shouldn't obligate herself to lots of other leadership roles in the church. It's not possible for the wife to be at every function her husband must attend but she should support him in as many areas as she is able to do.

Grow in the Lord

Compiled by, Darlene G. Snyder

BE SENSITIVE
Brenda Easterling
Gamaliel, KY

As a pastor's wife, I feel blessed and privileged to share this most important calling of God with my husband. We’ve been in this Gospel Ministry since 1974. It’s not always been easy however, living the Christian life is not suppose to be easy.

I was very young when we surrendered to God’s call. I had just turned 22 years old when we began our first spiritual journey: going back to school. That was a big challenge for me personally because I was moving away from family and friends and my mother had just passed away a few months before we would leave Michigan. There were other big challenges in those days. My father remarried within three months following my mothers passing. My family life was changing so much. Not only was I a wife and mother; soon I would be the pastor's wife too. So I stepped out of my comfort zone and said, “Yes” to God’s leading. We knew without question that God was leading us.

With one young son and my expecting our second, we embarked on our move to school. What an adventure! I was not only young but a very shy wife and mother with little self-confidence. To the best of my understanding I did believe and trust the Lord to provide and meet our needs. My husband, who would become pastor, was a Godly man and at the young age of 29 when we left for school. He had wisdom and knowledge and experience that I didn’t feel I had yet attained. That was comforting to me. Also I knew without a shadow of a doubt he was definitely called to be a pastor.

One of the most important things I have learned down through these years is to be the person God wants you to be. Grow in the Lord and as you grow and develop the Lord will use you for His glory!

You should always be a good listener and prayer partner for your husband. Let him use you as his sounding board. He needs your tender love and support at all times. Be gentle in your criticism to him. I believe every pastor and every pastor's wife are different because they are unique in their own personality yet the Holy Spirit leads both of them. You should never pattern your life after another pastor or pastor's wife. You are unique and God places you where you can carry out His purpose and plans. Seek His purpose for your calling in the church or place He calls you.

Does a Pastor's Wife Really Need Inspiration?

By, Darlene G. Snyder

Pastors' wives (PW"S) aren’t much different from other wives. Even so, their duty in the church and home is unlike most. Responsibilities differ from those not serving in this capacity. Most PW's have concerns, fears and a strong desire to serve Christ. Their spouses often must put others first. Interruptions in their family life are common occurrences.

Traditionally, the wives are considered part of the package with their pastor husbands. Usually, the first question someone will ask when interviewing a prospective pastor is, "Does your wife play the piano?"

Before two weeks was up, I believe everyone in the first small church my son served asked April, his wife that very question. Eventually they learned she had no real musical talent.

The new pastor's wife generally faces expectations to be a super pastor's wife. Many balk at that expectation and will quickly refute those expectations. Others though, fall to the demands of the church and then they don't know how to find relief. These pastor's wives are the ones who end up rattled and frazzled.

Yes, PW's need inspiration. Who should inspire the PW? The simple answer is, other PW's who are serving in the same or similar role. That's where this blog comes into play.

As a bit of history, a few years ago when my daughter-in-law became a new PW, she was clueless as to what to do or where to turn for advice. I searched our local bookstore and Amazon.com for a suitable book to purchase as a gift to her. I didn't find what I was looking for so I began a compiling advice from PW's across the United States.

What I discovered in the process is that there are many PW's in need of inspiration. Going through the process, I thought that other PW's would learn from and gain inspiration through these submissions. That is why I'm here. To share with you, The Pastor's Wife the information and advice I uncovered in the process of putting this book together.

If you like what you read here, please forward the link to this blog to your friends, write a comment, or send me an email and let me know what you think.

Thanks,

Darlene

Information Coming

Compiled by, Darlene G. Snyder


It's coming.

Check back in a few days.

You'll be glad you did.

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