WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU GO TO BED WITH A SMALL BUSINESS OWNER AND WAKE UP WITH A PREACHER

Compiled By: Darlene G. Snyder



Char-La Fowler
Mt. Pleasant, SC


I didn’t marry a preacher. I never walked forward at the invitation to share that God had called me to be a minister’s wife. I never pined after the cute, single youth pastor or led small group Bible studies for pre-teens when I was in college. I never even signed a True-Love-Waits card. No, on the day I stood at the altar, I was a young, ambitious attorney marrying a handsome guy with both a business degree from a prestigious university and a job running his family’s 100 year-old furniture store. I could see my future with clarity. After all, my husband Calvin was wildly successful at what he did, absolutely loved going to work every day, and there was no chance he was ever going to be transferred. My annual reviews at my law firm were good and always accompanied by a raise. Both sets of our parents, most of our siblings and even some grandparents lived nearby. Yes, I had stability, predictability and shop-ability.
All that changed on June 9, 2001. We were on vacation and at the end of one fun-filled day I innocently went to sleep next to my small business-owner husband and quite literally woke up next to a preacher. During the night, God awakened Calvin and called him to full-time vocational ministry. His call was so unambiguousness, it left no wiggle room; obedience to it or run like Jonah and hope for a better outcome. I say with a certain degree of pride that my husband willingly and worshipfully laid down the professional dream he was living and completely side-stepped the whale’s belly. That next morning, as Calvin shared this with me, God washed me with His grace and I too willingly bent the knee, arising with excitement and optimism.
Now the Devil likes to start conversations with you. Just ask Eve. He craftily waited until we arrived at seminary before starting his full-court press on me: “You’re no pastor’s wife. Look around you. Most of these women have prepared their whole lives for this. Listen at how much they know. You’re going to fail and take the man you love with you.” Characteristically, there was a kernel of truth wrapped deep inside the lie that made it more believable. I had never heard of John Piper. I thought Wayne Grudem played offensive tackle for the Dallas Cowboys and for the life of me I could not figure out why everyone kept running around talking about a girl from Florida I had met at cheerleading camp named Paige Patterson.
So, what’s a girl to do? What is the next step for those of us who wake up next to a preacher? It doesn’t really matter if you came to it later like me or if you headed into it eyes wide open. The solution is the same. We must choose daily to remember the glorious certainty of the Trinity and how it is inextricably linked to effective Kingdom ministry. Its truth can drown out the most oppressive doubts and its symphony can overpower the strongest cacophony of deceit. Keep in mind:

It’s all about the sovereignty of the Father.

Isn’t it wonderful that on Calvin’s wedding day, God was not surprised to find that I was the one who showed up in the white veil? Rather, with all purpose, intent and wisdom, He had tenderly placed me there. When He was busy setting aside Calvin for the Gospel ministry, He determined I would be His greatest helper in that venture. This wisdom mystifies us because we know that apart from Christ in us, we bring nothing of our own to the table. Hands empty. So, why did it please God to call me to be pastor’s wife? Because it pleased God to call me to be a pastor’s wife. It is of His own design out of His own pleasure for His own glory. And, just like every pastor’s wife before me and since, none of my life’s experiences would be wasted in this new endeavor. Instead, in some baffling way, all of those events that formed and influenced and shaped me when I happened to be married to that business guy would be exactly what my husband and his ministry would need. Now, mind you, there is still the occasional day when the gentle, quiet spirit has to subdue the counselor itching to cross-examine some mean-spirited congregant, but that’s where the Holy Spirit steps in.

It’s all about the power of the Spirit.

I can remember sitting in my law office in 1995, reading my Bible while eating lunch at my desk, and the Spirit of God directing me to memorize 2 Corinthians 12:9 . I had been familiar with these verses since the days of hearing “Present Swords” while doing Bible Drill on lazy Sunday afternoons in the fifth grade: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly, therefore, will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ will rest upon me.” It was helpful then. It is a bedrock now. The Apostle Paul speaks across the centuries, directly into the life of the modern-day preacher’s wife. When I am feeling inadequate, overwhelmed, and deficient, I am reminded that I can’t do this job. I’m not smart enough. I’m not organized enough. And, Heaven knows, I’m not patient enough. But, thanks be to God, He is. In ministry and in life, dependence equals freedom and weakness equals strength. It’s only when this self-sufficient woman begins to think “I’ve got this thing under control,” that my effectiveness takes a nose dive. But, to the contrary, when we are walking in the power of the Spirit, the world sees the splendor of Jesus.

It’s all about the glory of the Son.

To the desperate church wife, this truth is perhaps the most comforting of all. What relief freely flows the day we realize it’s not about me and whether I measure up to an artificial standard of success or a provincial stereotype. We have to resist the chronic urge to make it about perceptions of us, or our husbands or even our ministry. We are to be about the business of Christ’s glory, eyes focused intently on Calvary’s conquest. As the now-familiar John Piper says, “God without Christ is no God. If we would see and savor the glory of God, we must see and savor Christ.” Of course, our good and His glory are not mutually exclusive. When we make it about Him, everything else falls in place. We are the true beneficiaries of this equation: that which glorifies Him, profits us. Therefore, as great as the temptation is to be consumed with our performance in ministry and our reputation among the brethren, we cannot forget that our audience actually consists of just One. And His investment in us is explicitly tied to the exaltation of Jesus.
So, here we find ourselves, waking up everyday next to a preacher. What’s a girl to do? She’s to rest in the knowledge that she is cupped firmly in the hands of the triune God, the source of not only the assignment, but also the means and the reason to fulfill it. May it be to the praise of His glory?


APoem for the Pastor's Wife