Parsonage Ponderings

Compiled by, Darlene G. Snyder

by Connie Coppings
Paintsville,KY

Before we were married, and many times since, my husband and I have talked about "marriage in ministry." Because of the demands made on a pastor 's time, it can place stress on a marriage. If you haven't dealt with this topic before marriage, you may find yourselves unprepared as the busy schedule of ministry sweeps you along.
I must admit that at first I was somewhat offended when "our" plans had to be changed (sometimes at the last minute) due to the need of a parishioner. While it can be hard on adults, it can also be difficult when kids are involved. They aren't always able to understand why a trip or a party gets cancelled and their parent suddenly has to go take care of someone else. It is important to begin early helping them see that things like this may sometimes happen so they will be better prepared for those times.
"But what about those times when someone calls the pastor for a matter that isn't extremely important, but yet expects them to appear on command?" you might ask. Yes, that can sometimes be a ticklish situation. In our household, I trust my husband to determine if this is a matter which he feels necessitates changing our plans.
I know that he values our marriage as much as I do, and when he tells me he needs to go, I know it's because of his pastor's heart. Sharing my husband with so many other people isn't always easy, but I know that is part of ministry. Does he always go?
No! My husband has made me feel very special when I hear him say, "Why don't you call the office in the morning and we'll take care of this. I have a date with my wife tonight." Most people are very respectful of our time together. We have done other things in our marriage to make sure that we protect our relationship.
Here are some suggestions for those of you new to ministry that will help keep your marriage and family ties strong:
1. When you accept a church assignment, let your congregation know your days off and ask that they call you after office hours only if necessary. (just be prepared that other's concept of "necessary" may not be the same as yours)
2. Have specific office hours so that there is plenty of time for people to make contact during the day. Post it in the bulletin and on the door of pastor's office.
3. During day off, or vacation, assign someone from the church as the contact person in case of emergency and have their number listed in the bulletin. If something requires the pastor's return, instruct the designated person to call you.
4. Sit down at home and talk about weekly schedules and make sure to pencil in specific time away from work. Make it a priority!! You will need that time of refreshing.
5. My husband and I have an agreement that if he's called out on a matter concerning another female, I will either go with him or he will make sure that someone else is present.
6. Don't isolate yourselves. Have friends who listen without judgement (and without sharing it with others), who remind you to laugh, and who will encourage you .
7. Open communication can go a long way in keeping your marriage healthy. Plan times when you can have private conversations without interruptions.
Above all, keep God as the head of your marriage. Allow Him to guide you in keeping a hedge of protection around yourselves.

Father, we thank You for the high privilege of answering Your call to ministry. Protect our marriages in the many situations that we face daily. Amen.