PARSONAGE PONDERINGS

Compiled by, Darlene G. Snyder

By Connie Coppings
Paintsville,Ky


There are parts of ministry that are complex, and sometimes somber. I feel it is important to talk about those times, for it seems we can get overwhelmed by the chaos and tragedies we deal with in the lives of our congregations.
As partners in ministry, my husband and I have committed to be there for those we serve. However, we also knowwe need to lighten up every now and then so that our bodies and minds will be better able do those difficult things. We do a lot of laughing around our house so I thought I'd share something on this blog that might bring a moment of laughter for you.
If you're in ministry, you have no doubt attended a potluck meal ( or 2, or 5, or hundreds) at some point in your ministry. My husband and I often laugh at how our clothes seem to "shrink" after these dinners and we always vow that we're going to get motivated to do better next time. After a recent potluck---and a failed attempt on my part to be disciplined---I sat down at my computer and wrote the following piece. It's a humorous look at how easily we lose our motivation when faced with "temp-taste-tions" such as Margaret's Death by Chocolate Cake, Mrs. B's Crunchy, Crispy Batter Fried Chicken, Opal's Cheesey Baked Corn Pudding, Evelyn's Layered Brown Sugar Apple Pie (with pecans). Need I say more!! Hope you enjoy the article.

MOTIVATION GOES COLD AT THE FRIG DOOR

I paused in my bedroom closet the other day, gazing at my "smaller sized" summer wardrobe. Cotton blouses of rose, lavendar, and yellow, an ocean blue pants suit, and slacks neatly hanging there waiting for me to lose "just five more pounds." My mind wandered to the dates of our upcoming vacation to see my husband's family and a nephew's wedding a few weeks later. Just a few pounds less, take off a few inches here and there. . . .
Suddenly a spine tingling feeling swept over me. What was this episode of visions and emotions? I stood frozen---lost in the moment.
A clear vision of fresh, crispy garden salads, stir fry veggies, lean meats, low-fat desserts---all in correct portions, of course---and a regular exercise plan came into view. Yes, the image of a slimmer me materialized before my eyes. I could see myself walking into a room wearing one of those smaller-sized outfits causing others to gasp in wonder at who this beauty was before them. Envious onlookers would offer such questions as, "What's your secret?" or, "How'd you do it?"
My smaller figure would no doubt be a boost to my self- confidence. I would have all the energy I needed to accomplish everything in my busy pastor's wife's schedule. I was headed for victory this time: I could just sense it.
Absolutely nothing was going to stand in my way. Spurred on by this motivational momemt, I proceeded down the hall to clear my kitchen of any unnecessary calories. On the way I passed the bathroom door, catching a glimpse of the scales I'd bought a year ago to monitor my weight loss. I stepped on them. The numbers began spinning past me at a rapid climb and quickly passed the number I "knew " I weighed. I made a mental note to have my husband adjust them so they'd weigh more accurately.
Finally arriving at the kitchen, I threw open the refrigerator door. Wait---another feeling began to wash over me. My new found motivation was being ambushed by the tantalizing scene before me. Macaroni and cheese casserole, the roast beef leftover from the potluck at church, Praline Pecan Ice Cream, and brownies---all beckoned me.
They seemed to say, "Surely you wouldn't throw us out. Remember all the stress you felt the other day and how we helped you through it."
Oh dear, maybe I shouldn't throw it out. After all, there are all those starving people in other countries. I'll just sit down and have a brownie while I think about all this motivational stuff.
Where, oh where did my motivation go? If you happen to see it, just hold onto it until I finish my brownie. You know, some of that Praline Pecan Ice Cream would go good with it too.

May God empower each of you with the disciple to take care of your body in such a way as to honor the Lord. May you sense His presence with you in the good and bad times of your ministry.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU GO TO BED WITH A SMALL BUSINESS OWNER AND WAKE UP WITH A PREACHER

Compiled By: Darlene G. Snyder



Char-La Fowler
Mt. Pleasant, SC


I didn’t marry a preacher. I never walked forward at the invitation to share that God had called me to be a minister’s wife. I never pined after the cute, single youth pastor or led small group Bible studies for pre-teens when I was in college. I never even signed a True-Love-Waits card. No, on the day I stood at the altar, I was a young, ambitious attorney marrying a handsome guy with both a business degree from a prestigious university and a job running his family’s 100 year-old furniture store. I could see my future with clarity. After all, my husband Calvin was wildly successful at what he did, absolutely loved going to work every day, and there was no chance he was ever going to be transferred. My annual reviews at my law firm were good and always accompanied by a raise. Both sets of our parents, most of our siblings and even some grandparents lived nearby. Yes, I had stability, predictability and shop-ability.
All that changed on June 9, 2001. We were on vacation and at the end of one fun-filled day I innocently went to sleep next to my small business-owner husband and quite literally woke up next to a preacher. During the night, God awakened Calvin and called him to full-time vocational ministry. His call was so unambiguousness, it left no wiggle room; obedience to it or run like Jonah and hope for a better outcome. I say with a certain degree of pride that my husband willingly and worshipfully laid down the professional dream he was living and completely side-stepped the whale’s belly. That next morning, as Calvin shared this with me, God washed me with His grace and I too willingly bent the knee, arising with excitement and optimism.
Now the Devil likes to start conversations with you. Just ask Eve. He craftily waited until we arrived at seminary before starting his full-court press on me: “You’re no pastor’s wife. Look around you. Most of these women have prepared their whole lives for this. Listen at how much they know. You’re going to fail and take the man you love with you.” Characteristically, there was a kernel of truth wrapped deep inside the lie that made it more believable. I had never heard of John Piper. I thought Wayne Grudem played offensive tackle for the Dallas Cowboys and for the life of me I could not figure out why everyone kept running around talking about a girl from Florida I had met at cheerleading camp named Paige Patterson.
So, what’s a girl to do? What is the next step for those of us who wake up next to a preacher? It doesn’t really matter if you came to it later like me or if you headed into it eyes wide open. The solution is the same. We must choose daily to remember the glorious certainty of the Trinity and how it is inextricably linked to effective Kingdom ministry. Its truth can drown out the most oppressive doubts and its symphony can overpower the strongest cacophony of deceit. Keep in mind:

It’s all about the sovereignty of the Father.

Isn’t it wonderful that on Calvin’s wedding day, God was not surprised to find that I was the one who showed up in the white veil? Rather, with all purpose, intent and wisdom, He had tenderly placed me there. When He was busy setting aside Calvin for the Gospel ministry, He determined I would be His greatest helper in that venture. This wisdom mystifies us because we know that apart from Christ in us, we bring nothing of our own to the table. Hands empty. So, why did it please God to call me to be pastor’s wife? Because it pleased God to call me to be a pastor’s wife. It is of His own design out of His own pleasure for His own glory. And, just like every pastor’s wife before me and since, none of my life’s experiences would be wasted in this new endeavor. Instead, in some baffling way, all of those events that formed and influenced and shaped me when I happened to be married to that business guy would be exactly what my husband and his ministry would need. Now, mind you, there is still the occasional day when the gentle, quiet spirit has to subdue the counselor itching to cross-examine some mean-spirited congregant, but that’s where the Holy Spirit steps in.

It’s all about the power of the Spirit.

I can remember sitting in my law office in 1995, reading my Bible while eating lunch at my desk, and the Spirit of God directing me to memorize 2 Corinthians 12:9 . I had been familiar with these verses since the days of hearing “Present Swords” while doing Bible Drill on lazy Sunday afternoons in the fifth grade: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly, therefore, will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ will rest upon me.” It was helpful then. It is a bedrock now. The Apostle Paul speaks across the centuries, directly into the life of the modern-day preacher’s wife. When I am feeling inadequate, overwhelmed, and deficient, I am reminded that I can’t do this job. I’m not smart enough. I’m not organized enough. And, Heaven knows, I’m not patient enough. But, thanks be to God, He is. In ministry and in life, dependence equals freedom and weakness equals strength. It’s only when this self-sufficient woman begins to think “I’ve got this thing under control,” that my effectiveness takes a nose dive. But, to the contrary, when we are walking in the power of the Spirit, the world sees the splendor of Jesus.

It’s all about the glory of the Son.

To the desperate church wife, this truth is perhaps the most comforting of all. What relief freely flows the day we realize it’s not about me and whether I measure up to an artificial standard of success or a provincial stereotype. We have to resist the chronic urge to make it about perceptions of us, or our husbands or even our ministry. We are to be about the business of Christ’s glory, eyes focused intently on Calvary’s conquest. As the now-familiar John Piper says, “God without Christ is no God. If we would see and savor the glory of God, we must see and savor Christ.” Of course, our good and His glory are not mutually exclusive. When we make it about Him, everything else falls in place. We are the true beneficiaries of this equation: that which glorifies Him, profits us. Therefore, as great as the temptation is to be consumed with our performance in ministry and our reputation among the brethren, we cannot forget that our audience actually consists of just One. And His investment in us is explicitly tied to the exaltation of Jesus.
So, here we find ourselves, waking up everyday next to a preacher. What’s a girl to do? She’s to rest in the knowledge that she is cupped firmly in the hands of the triune God, the source of not only the assignment, but also the means and the reason to fulfill it. May it be to the praise of His glory?


APoem for the Pastor's Wife

Blog Tour for Devotions to Go

By: Darlene G. Snyder

Look for my photo book on Amazon


As part of a blog tour for publisher Jeanann Duckworth and her Devotions to Go books, here's a review of Pastors’ Wives Devotions to Go that I thought readers would appreciate. If you have an opportunity to read this book, I'd be interested in what you think.


Pastors' Wives Devotions to Go


Beverly Henry's book is a look at the role of the pastor's wife and is filled with encouragement for women in ministry.

Henry includes many humorous antidotes, such as an expectant pastor's wife with toilet paper stuck to her shoe and a pastor's wife who opens the door to yell to her family that she is "taking her clothes off now," to find unexpected guests confused at her declaration. She takes opportunity to teach life lessons from the antidotes. Lessons such as," Your position as a pastor’s wife gives you power in the eyes of others, whether you feel it or not. How you act and react to life situations either opens or closes doors to
the people who enter your life," came after a story about two women of different personalities became friends as a result of a kitchen accident. The reaction of one of the women changed the other woman for a lifetime.

One of the things I enjoyed about this book is how it touches on the various aspects of a pastor's wife role. Her use of humor allows readers to smile and relate to each incident mentioned. Henry does a good job including subject matter such as, difficulty of leaving a church to go minister in another place, dealing with embarrassing situations and how pastors' wives can make a difference in the lives of women in the church. Henry also includes a daily Bible verse that goes along with her subject.

JeanAnn Duckworth, CEO of Extreme Diva Media, publishes a series of Devotion To Go books with titles such as, Fearless Moms Devotions to Go, Moms over 50 Devotions to Go and Frazzled Moms Devotions to Go, just to name a few. With the rushed lives that most of us lead, these purse size books are perfect to have on hand while waiting in a doctor's office, while stuck in traffic, on planes and even resting at the beach.

If you are interested in investigating this series of books, you can go to the Extreme Diva Web site here. The books cost $8.95 each with standard shipping cost of $2.00. If you order Devotions to Go 6 Months Subscription in June, you'll receive a free copy of Christmas Devotions to Go in December. This allows you to purchase 7 books at the price of 5. Now, that is the kind of deal I like.

PARSONAGE PONDERINGS

Compiled by, Darlene G. Snyder

By Connie Coppings
Paintsville UMC
Paintsville,Ky.

"I don't want to be a pastor's wife, I'll never have friends." This is a comment I often hear from those going into ministry. It is a tough issue and one that needs much thought and prayer.
"Who can I be friends with in the church?" "Will I be seen as playing favorites if I spend more time with one person than another?" "Will I have to guard every word or live in fear that it will be spread through the congregation in minutes?" These are some of the questions I grappled with when I became a pastor's wife and I suspect I'm not alone in these thoughts.
Pastors' wives are like anyone else, they need a place to share their struggles in confidence. I am blessed with a wonderful husband, but am often hesitant to put more on him as he has so many other things on his mind. When he enters our home after a day of office work, hospital and home visits, along with the "crises" that arise daily, I try to have our home be a sanctuary for him. This is one of the ways I try to minister to him so that he can go out and do what he does everyday.
While he is the first person i would go to if there was something important on my heart, I know it is necessary for me to have other listening ears. One of the ways I've done this is by establishing relationships in the community or through my work. I always urge other pastors' wives to get involved in the town where they live by volunteering or being on committees. If you work outside the home, develop friendships there. For those who work from home, develop a network with other moms or women who have similar interests as yourself.
Whatever you do----don't try to go it alone. Having been in ministry for over 22 years, I can tell you that there are times where you will need an outlet beyond your spouse. Some places we've lived I've been blessed with other women who have have come along side me to listen and pray. There are other places we've lived where I didn't have that, but kept in touch with other women friends via the phone or computer.
Is this an issue that is important to you? How do you deal with it?
May God bless each of you with women who wil step out to be your spiritual support and a place where you can freely share your heart.

PARSONAGE PONDERINGS

Compiled by, Connie Coppings

Saturday, June 6, 2009

When I became a wife 22 1/2 years ago, I also entered the role of parsonage spouse in that same moment. Often I'm asked how I feel about being a pastor's wife and my reply is usually, "It's a job filled with many joys, and sorrows, but I wouldn't trade my life with anyone else."
Take today for instance, I've had the privilege of witnessing two young people joined in marriage, listened to lady dealing with the loss of her husband of 61 years, helped plan for our church's upcoming 100th anniversary, and fixed food to share at a women's mission meeting tomorrow after church. As a pastor's wife, I've been blessed with so many opportunities to be a part of others' lives.
Being in this role doesn't make me anymore special than anyone else, but it does allow me to meet and get to know people that I otherwise wouldn't have known. God has blessed me so richly through the witness of His work in the lives of those I've encountered in our ministry. I know that I'm a better person today because of this experience.
I look forward to sharing with others in ministry through this blog each week. It is my hope that He will use my "ponderings" to encourage and inspire those who follow this site.
May God take the work and words of each of you and use them to bless others as you serve faithfully along side your spouse.