We Have Moved

Compiled by, Darlene G. Snyder


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Parsonage Ponderings

Compiled by, Darlene G. Snyder

by Connie Coppings
Paintsville, KY.

Whether we want to admit it or not, anger plays a role in Christians' lives. In ministry we often have to help people find ways to cope with their anger in constructive ways. And, there are those times when those in ministry must come face to face with their own anger issues. Both are challenging and can take a toll on a ministerial family.
Helping people within a congregation deal with their anger toward each other calls for the ability to remain neutral so that you can help both parties. The minister, or spouse, is sometimes caught in the middle as both parties try to make the other person out to be the one at fault. We have found it helpful to inform those involved that we won't listen to a discussion of the other person, but only to what the one in front of us feels they've contributed to the problem.
It is our goal to teach people to accept responsibility for their shortcomings and find ways to grow from them. It is human nature to want to blame others, so it takes a lot of patience and prayer to help people reach this point.
Do not hesitate to refer to a counselor or more experienced pastor a situation that you feel unable to handle. Not everyone in ministry is equipped to handle every type of situation and trying to do so can cause further problems.
While helping others handle their anger can be hard, it can be especially hard for a minister or spouse to confront their own anger. Who can they talk to safely? What effects can it have on a marriage or your ministry?
It is very hard for ministerial persons to find a safe place to express their negative feelings. As much as you like some people in the church, it can be dangerous to share those type of feelings. Not all people will "spread" your confidences, but you may find it safer to seek help in other ways. If you have a conference office, ask what is available. Many times there is financial help available and visits to a counselor can be arranged to protect your privacy.
As much as our lives are centered around "Christian" activities, anger is not uncommon in our lives. We work in settings where we often see people make very wrong decisions, hurting themselves and those around them. Our emotions get involved and we may find ourselves experiencing un-Christlike anger.
A big step in the right direction is to admit the anger exists and then seek those who can help us find our way through it. We try to never let these intense feelings of anger show in our relations with others. When possible, we work it through with the person to whom the anger is directed, but if we feel we can't, then outside help is sought.
Holding anger in can lead to many physical problems. My doctor recently told me that his most unhealthy patients are pastors' wives. Scary, huh!!
It is only through God's love and mercy that we can deal with anger in healthy ways. What ignites your anger? Can you admit your struggle with it and allow others to help you?

Father, forgive us when we harbor ill feelings and allow it to interfere with our service to others. Protect our hearts and minds so that we may be more like Christ.

Parsonage Ponderings

Compiled by, Darlene G. Snyder

by Connie Coppings
Paintsville,KY

Before we were married, and many times since, my husband and I have talked about "marriage in ministry." Because of the demands made on a pastor 's time, it can place stress on a marriage. If you haven't dealt with this topic before marriage, you may find yourselves unprepared as the busy schedule of ministry sweeps you along.
I must admit that at first I was somewhat offended when "our" plans had to be changed (sometimes at the last minute) due to the need of a parishioner. While it can be hard on adults, it can also be difficult when kids are involved. They aren't always able to understand why a trip or a party gets cancelled and their parent suddenly has to go take care of someone else. It is important to begin early helping them see that things like this may sometimes happen so they will be better prepared for those times.
"But what about those times when someone calls the pastor for a matter that isn't extremely important, but yet expects them to appear on command?" you might ask. Yes, that can sometimes be a ticklish situation. In our household, I trust my husband to determine if this is a matter which he feels necessitates changing our plans.
I know that he values our marriage as much as I do, and when he tells me he needs to go, I know it's because of his pastor's heart. Sharing my husband with so many other people isn't always easy, but I know that is part of ministry. Does he always go?
No! My husband has made me feel very special when I hear him say, "Why don't you call the office in the morning and we'll take care of this. I have a date with my wife tonight." Most people are very respectful of our time together. We have done other things in our marriage to make sure that we protect our relationship.
Here are some suggestions for those of you new to ministry that will help keep your marriage and family ties strong:
1. When you accept a church assignment, let your congregation know your days off and ask that they call you after office hours only if necessary. (just be prepared that other's concept of "necessary" may not be the same as yours)
2. Have specific office hours so that there is plenty of time for people to make contact during the day. Post it in the bulletin and on the door of pastor's office.
3. During day off, or vacation, assign someone from the church as the contact person in case of emergency and have their number listed in the bulletin. If something requires the pastor's return, instruct the designated person to call you.
4. Sit down at home and talk about weekly schedules and make sure to pencil in specific time away from work. Make it a priority!! You will need that time of refreshing.
5. My husband and I have an agreement that if he's called out on a matter concerning another female, I will either go with him or he will make sure that someone else is present.
6. Don't isolate yourselves. Have friends who listen without judgement (and without sharing it with others), who remind you to laugh, and who will encourage you .
7. Open communication can go a long way in keeping your marriage healthy. Plan times when you can have private conversations without interruptions.
Above all, keep God as the head of your marriage. Allow Him to guide you in keeping a hedge of protection around yourselves.

Father, we thank You for the high privilege of answering Your call to ministry. Protect our marriages in the many situations that we face daily. Amen.

Parsonage Ponderings

Compiled by, Darlene G. Snyder

by Connie Coppings
Paintsville, KY

We've had some dark stormy days lately and I've longed to find a book to read that would encourage my heart. I wasn't in the mood for fiction or something deeply theological, just something that would speak to my inner being.

As a writer, I love to read all kinds of books, but every now and then I think a little selfishly and want something "just for me." I have found there aren't a lot of books written that specifically speak to the role of a pastor's spouse. Believe me, I've looked in many bookstores. When I ask the owner if they have anything on that subject, I usually get, "No, really don't see much on that topic."

I've done some searching on the Internet and found some titles that I'll share with you all in hopes that one of them may speak to your need. It would be nice to have a way of interacting with other pastors' wives so that we could share information and encourage each other.

Some book titles I've found:
Married to A Pastor: How to Stay Happily Married in the Ministry by H. B. London and Neil Wiseman
So You're the Pastor's Wife by Ruth Senter
Being a Minister's Wife and Being Yourself by Nancy Pannell
Devotions for Ministry Wives: Encouragement for Those Who've Been There by Barbara Hughes
High Call, High Privilege by Gail MacDonald
I'm More Than A Pastor's Wife by Lorna Dobson
Moving On After Moving In by Susan Miller

And some Internet sites for pastors' spouses:
www.sarahstent.com
www.justbetweenus.org (magazine for pastors' spouses)
www.pastors.com (by Karen Warren from Saddleback Church)
www.parsonage.org (Focus on the Family)

Of course, our best resource is Jesus Christ and His Word. Because of our busy schedule, I'm often tempted to neglect my time with God and hurry to get all my things completed. Sometimes I come to the end of a day and think I've accomplished a lot, but then I remember I never got around to my devotions. Somehow all that work I did doesn't seem as satisfying when I realize that I put that before Him.

I pray that something I shared this day will be an encouragement to you. Would love to hear what resources you've found that have been of benefit to you. Wouldn't it be great if we could sit down over a cup of tea and share our hearts!

May your heavy hearts find refreshment and may you be encouraged that all you do is not in vain my fellow servants.

Parsonage Ponderings

Compiled by, Darlene G. Snyder

by Connie Coppings

We live in a world of change. People want to change their weight, clothing styles, body features---and they go to great lengths by going on crash diets, spending money they don't have, or putting their bodies through dangerous cosmetic surgeries. All this to achieve a desired "perfect" image.
As role models in ministry we can get caught up in thinking we have to "be" and "look" perfect. Our lives are in a constant fishbowl and sometimes we succumb to the standards set by humans and lose sight of what God wants for us. Flawless beauty is an elusive dream as our bodies are always changing and have imperfections. The pursuit of perfection leaves our emotions in a constant state of frustration. Frustrated people have a hard time looking beautiful.
When I first became a pastor's wife, I got caught up in the world's way of thinking of beauty. However, over the years I've learned to respect and love the person God has created me to be. Perhaps I'll never make it onto a magazine cover, but I'm a whole lot more fun to be around when i let go of the world's image of beauty. I asked God what would make me beautiful to Him and this is what I've learned.
When God is allowed full access to my life, His presence evokes a gentle and quiet spirit which emits a beauty that cannot be humanly created. It isn't destroyed by age or other earthly influences. People may admire physical beauty, but they are drawn to those who posses an inner beauty. I love the chorus which says, "Let the beauty of Jesus be seen in me."
There's nothing wrong in making changes to our outward appearance, but we also need to nurture our inner self. I've enjoyed the little books titled, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff," and I believe that to be a truth of inner beauty. When I get overly concerned about an outfit, or deny myself quiet time in order to do something that makes me look good---I am not being true to who God has called me to be. He isn't worried about my clothing or how much I accomplish, but I believe my Lord desires that I do and say things that will bring others into a closer relationship with Him.
Another "beauty secret" is remembering to laugh each day. (learn this lesson early in your ministry) Proverbs says, "A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance." Helping others carry their burdens can be draining on your mental and physical well-being. Find ways to bring humor into your daily routine, such as movies, books, or friends who can help you lighten up.
My husband and I are animal lovers and we can attest to the fact that they can bring many hours of joy into a home. Our dog, Eli, seems to know when we need to loosen up. We can be talking very seriously and he runs into the room, snaps his green tennis ball across the floor, and looks as if to say, "OK, now for some fun!"
As representatives of God on this earth, we need to be good stewards of the body and mind we're given so that we may show others how they too can discover their own inner beauty. What a beautiful world this would be!

Father, may Your sweet, sweet Spirit dwell within us so that we may be a sweet fragrance in the lives of those we serve.

Parsonage Ponderings

Compiled by, Darlene G. Snyder


by Connie Coppings
Paintsville,Ky.

When does a pastor and their spouse experience Sabbath? Yes, we're in church every Sunday, but teaching, preaching, assisting with music, attending meetings and ministering to people in need often leave little time to experience restorative worship. Having just come back from a short vacation, I've thought about that several times. We've realized over the past 22 years that it is hard to give out to others when you feel depleted yourself.
I talk to other spouses in ministry and hear phrases such as, "I just can't keep a happy face on 24 hours a day." "My heart is so broken with all the sad things we hear about." "We're thinking about getting out of the ministry." "Does anyone care about our needs?"
Although ministry brings with it many joys, it can take a toll on one's life if you do not do things to feed and nourish your spirit. My husband and I love being in ministry, but we know that we cannot be all things to all people. We worry, get angry, have doubts, feel disappointed, but are sometimes met with such statements as, "I can't believe you think (feel) that way." "I guess I figured you all were so close to God that these things wouldn't happen to you." Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!
I can honestly say that there have been times when I wanted to walk away from people---and the church. Anyone who goes into ministry should not feel surprised---or guilty---for having those feelings. It comes with the job. So, it is vitally important to find ways to replenish your bodies and spirits.
Our Methodist conference offers free opportunities for pastors' families to take a break from the routine and "come apart" for some rest. There is also a Barnabas ministry that has seminars for those in ministry (you can look them up online). Some churches actively encourage their minister and family to take the time away as they realize the benefits not only for the pastor's family, but also for the church.
Even Jesus recognized the need for respites from ministering and often went to the lake or the mountains to do just that. Why should we think that we should do any less.
My husband and I sometimes just go where there are no phones, or where no one knows us. Just being out in nature quiets our hearts and minds, refreshing us to return to the work we love.
If you aren't presently taking "Sabbaths," then I encourage you to do so. What are creative ways you find to recharge your batteries so that you can serve God better?

DESIRE TO BE A TRUE FOLLOWER

Compiled by, Darlene G. Snyder

Diane Braden
O Fallon, MO 63366

I have been married to my husband Joseph for 26 years and we serve at the First Baptist Church of St. Peters, Missouri just outside of St. Louis. Our churches average attendance is around 230 – 250. We have enjoyed serving in ministry together for the past 20 years. We have three boys. Our oldest son Andrew (22) is married. He and his wife, Casey are currently at the Southern Baptist Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky. Our middle son Thomas (19) is out at the Masters College in Santa Clarita, California and our youngest son Grant (15) is in 10th grade being home schooled.
When my husband advises our sons in looking for a godly wife, he suggests that they find a girl who loves the Lord and loves His Church. My advice for women starting out in ministry would be first to make your desire to be a true follower of Jesus Christ, to know Him and to love His Church by consistently attending times of worship, teaching, fellowship and service. Make it your intention to be there on Sunday mornings, Sunday nights, weekday services – each time there is worship/teaching taking place. In this way, as your husband is growing in his studies and learning ministry, you too will grow and learn along with him and those the Lord puts under his teaching. You set the example by attending and coming with an open heart and mind to learn. I believe you will also find that to be the best way to get to know the congregation you serve. In this, you will be is a great support to your husband in his role as pastor, and will build lasting friendships too. My husband has pastored in just two churches. We were in our first church in Sedalia, Missouri for nine years and have been at our current ministry for the past eleven. In going back to our first church, we still have a strong cord of friendship with the believers there. I am ever grateful for them and for how they allowed me to grow and learn much along with my husband, about ministering in those early years.